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In Friday 21st October's edition of the Metro, Britain's free newspaper, jokes could be found throughout the whole paper. Here are some of the jokes that were voted the best in the poll. A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm and says to the barman: 'Pint please, and one for the road.' Police arrested two kids yesterday - one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off. Two TV aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony was rubbish....but the reception was brilliant. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband replies: 'But they're twins. If you've seen Juan you've seen Amal!' A set of jump-leads walk into a bar. The barman says: 'I'll serve you - but don't start anything.' A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Uggh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says to her: 'Right, you go and tell him off. I'll hold your monkey for you.' The awards for the best jokes went to Tommy Cooper (above left), Les Dawson (above right) and Peter Kay. The award for the best gag at the 2010 Edinburgh Festival fringe went to current comic Tim Vine (below).
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